In my fourth year...

So things have been a little crazy of late. It's mostly good stuff, but a couple of weeks ago the blue screen of death popped up on my laptop. Pardon the interruption. I'm back in service now. I don't want to publish a heavy post tonight, so I was looking for something simple. Here goes.

Tonight I chuckled as I read my last post. I noticed that I referred to myself as being "in my fourth year" as a NICU nurse. Now that I think about it, I've even caught myself saying that a couple of times in real life. You know you're still a pretty green nurse when it sounds significantly better to say "in my ____ year" rather than "____ years of experience."

I think I'm at a point in my career where I have the experience and knowledge to comfortably manage most of the babies that I encounter. At times I can even give some useful input to other nurses. On a unit where there is a nice balance of highly experienced nurses and newbies, it feels great when I'm respected as a colleague.

With that said, the "come to Jesus" moments are still there with alarming frequency. One minute I'm teaching lectures in our nurse internship program and considering a career as a nurse educator. The next minute I'm barely treading water with a busy assignment and questioning whether I'm competent. I've had some successes, but should my head ever get too big, there's a baby with an obscure condition just waiting to bring me back down a notch.

I guess I've discovered how important it is to take those learning experiences and allow them to make me a better nurse. On the other hand, I've learned that controlled confidence is a powerful thing. So on I go, learning while appearing confident... even if I must use tricky phrasing to pad my experience level along the way.